“Helloooo?!?” my wife said in a shy, sheepish, little girl giggle when she answered the phone. I was calling from a hotel room on a business trip, and I immediately knew by the way she answered the phone that after years of patiently waiting and hoping, that she had FINALLY done it! She had masturbated on her own, without me, for the first time in her life!
Let me back up almost three years to when we were newlyweds, because this is the story of how my young bride went from being adamantly opposed to masturbation and believing it was a dire sin, to being a full fledged advocate and frequent indulger of the deed.
I have to be honest and say that I have no memory of how the topic ever first came up between us. I am sure it was after we were married, or I would remember it. But what I do remember is how calmly and flatly she had laid down the law on the subject. It just simply was not ever going to be a part of our sex life. It was wrong. Period. End of story.
The fact that I had done it frequently all through my teenage years and even a little after my mission and before our wedding didn’t seem to bother her, so long as I wasn’t doing it now. And as for myself, now that actual sex and various methods of orgasm were a frequent (almost daily) occurrence, I was fine without it!
But, as sex sometimes does, ours led to pregnancy! And as first trimesters often do, hers led to an absolute negative desire to be horny. For a while, the very suggestion of sex made her roll her eyes and look as if she might vomit, again, for the fourth time that day.
One night I was seriously in the mood. Like, I was pathetically desperate. I was literally pulling her pajamas and garments off her, and I was already naked and hard myself. She was pushing me away and trying just as desperately to fall asleep. And then, in what turned out to be a fateful moment, she somehow produced a hand towel from her side of the bed, tossed it to me, and said, “Knock yourself out.” And a few seconds later, she was lost to a deep sleep and snoring quietly beside me.
And so there I was, naked, in bed, with an erection in one hand, a hand towel in the other, and permission from my wife to do what I hadn’t done in years and thought I would never do again. I decided to not think about it too long, and started to rub. And as I gratefully pumped myself into the hand towel a few minutes later, I knew something had changed.
Like an old friend, masturbation had just re-entered my life. And as much as I had grown to love being inside my wife’s pussy, my wife’s mouth, and my wife’s hand… I had long since forgotten just how much my own hand could offer just the right touch, at a pace, a pressure, and along my shaft and head in a way I knew would produce the best possible outcome!
As I laid next to my slumbering wife with my penis going soft in the hand towel, I made up my mind on three things. First, I wanted masturbation to stay. Second, I would never do it on the sly. And so the only logical conclusion was Third, I had to introduce my wife to how fun and enjoyable it was!
The very next morning I knew it was going to be a long haul. When I told her what had happened the night before, she had NO memory of either tossing me the towel, or of telling me to knock myself out.
“And even if I DID say that, you should have known that I wasn’t thinking clearly.”
She wasn’t mad. She was disappointed. I, on the other hand, was undaunted.
Without expressly telling her that my ultimate goal was to have open masturbation be part of our sex life, I began to slowly introduce her to the idea. Once the first trimester was over and her Libido began to return to normal, I started to invite her to touch herself during foreplay.
“Show me what feels good!” I would say. “Rub yourself, find out what you like, and show me!”
Even to that, she was at first a bit resistant. Touching themselves ‘down there’ wasn’t something good LDS girls did, after all. But I would literally take her fingers in her hand and guide them down to her pussy. “I want you to.” I would whisper. “Please, do it.”
After a while, she began to warm to the idea of rubbing and fingering herself, but only during foreplay and never for very long. But as she did it, I watched with rapt attention and I went out of my way to let her know how powerfully it turned me on when she did it!
At some point, and I think it may have been after our first child was born and sex had become normal again, I bought her a dildo. THAT was a memorable day! When I brought it home and she saw what it was (and the images on the box) her face turned bright red! She let me use it on her that night, and we both agreed that it added a fun and exciting new element to foreplay.
“But!” she let me know firmly “I always want you to use it on me. I don’t want to use it on myself.”
Baby steps! This was progress! I don’t recall how many times and how many orgasms I gave her with her new toy. But I do recall one evening while we were using it, I took her hand and placed it on the end that wasn’t buried in her pussy.
“You do it” I whispered.
“I can’t!” she said. “That would be masturbating!”
“It’s okay,” I said. “I want you to! I really, really do! And I PROMISE God won’t mind!”
The first few times she held it, I could tell she was still mentally struggling with the idea of self stimulation, and so I would again take it back into my hands and give her a few warm-up orgasms before sliding my boner inside her and making love to her. And then, in our post coital embrace, I would gently and lovingly ask her questions. Why don’t you want to do it? Why do you think it’s wrong? If I agree, and if you agree, do you truly think God would care? I reminded her about the church’s position on sex: So long as both husband and wife agree, and so long as it doesn’t involve anyone else, then it’s okay.
It took a LONG time, but she finally began to challenge her own belief that self stimulation was somehow inherently wrong. And as this thought began to take root in her, she allowed herself to hold the dildo longer and longer during foreplay.
I will never forget the first time she did it. With a smile on her face, she took the dildo from my hands, spread her naked legs, and began to play. I immediately began to swoon with a horny intoxication level I’d never felt in my life. I watched her tease herself for a while before slipping the toy inside her, and then I watched her eyes close and her back arch in pleasure. I was kneeling on the bed next to her, facing her side and she masturbated. As she buried her toy further inside I recall feeling literally dizzy with raging hormones! Never in all my days had I been so powerfully stoned on horniness! And as I watched her get closer and closer to her very first ever self induced orgasm, I was literally shaking on my knees! And as her orgasm burst over her, something happened that had never occurred before, and never since. Without anything touching my penis, I had my own orgasm that was so intense my vision blacked out as I shot my cum all over her and the bed!
When we both gained control of our senses again, she looked down at my cum roped across her belly and breasts.
“You were doing it at the same time?” she said, smiling.
“No!” I said. “I wasn’t! It just happened!”
“You liked me doing this SO MUCH that it made you do THAT without anyone touching you?”
For an answer, I just smiled and nodded my head.
Later, as we were cleaning up and putting her toy back in the nightstand, she shared an update on her thoughts.
“That was fun,” she said. “And I’ll do it again. But I don’t ever want to do it without you being there.”
I smiled. I didn’t say anything, but in my head, I was thinking, “We’ll see. We’ll see.”
A few months later, I was leaving on a business trip that would have me away for 3 nights. By the time I left, her using the dildo on herself before actual sex had become the new norm. It was a BLAST watching her learn how to use it to maximize her own pleasure! Sitting next to her, or even between her legs as she explored her own vagina and what made it feel good was the best possible foreplay ever!
So, the night before I was leaving, I snuck out of bed while she was asleep and went into the basement. I stripped naked and used my digital camera (they were still a new thing back then) to take some naked selfies with a hard on. VERY pornographic! Then I printed them out. The next day I snuck the pics and her dildo under her pillow while I was packing. Then I kissed her goodbye and headed for the airport.
It was late at night when I arrived at my hotel room… past 11pm. But we had already agreed that I would call no matter how late it was. I dialed our number with a shaky finger. I KNEW she would have found what I left under her pillow! The question was, what, if anything, had she done with it!?!?
“Helloooo?!?” she said in a shy, sheepish, little girl giggle when she answered the phone. And I knew she had done it. I knew she had masturbated on her own, without me, for the first time in her life!
“You did it!” I said! And I began to strip my pants and garments off!
“I DID!! I DID!! I thought about it for a long time. I wasn’t going to, but I kept hearing you in my head. ‘I want you to! And God won’t care!’ So finally I just did it!”
I was now rock hard and rubbing myself.
“And you know what!?” she said. “I don’t even feel guilty!! Do you think I should? Well I don’t! And you know what ELSE... I don’t even feel guilty for not feeling guilty! It was FUN! And I’m going to KEEP DOING IT! And I can’t believe I waited so many years to try it! What was I waiting for! And… oh wow, oh wow, I just realized…. I could have been doing it ALL MY LIFE and it would have been okay! I missed out on so many years of this! Think of all the orgasms I could have had! I have some serious making up to do! Thank you! THANK YOU so much for showing me! Are you doing it now? I hope you are! I wish I could see! I hope you have a great orgasm! Can I listen?”
Truth be told, I had already cum at some point during her sexual awakening monologue! When I told her as much, she said “Oh good for you! Let’s both do it on the phone together every night you are gone!”
And that, folks, is how my wife went from being a full masturbation prude, to being a full masturbation connoisseur! Over the years she has used up and burned out more dildos and vibrators that I can count! We both openly masturbation whenever we feel like it. Sometimes we tell each other, sometimes we don’t.
And not only that, but she is also an outspoken advocate for it. She doesn’t bring it up, but if anyone else does, even members of the church, she has zero qualms about telling people where she stands on it. She has told her parents that she thinks they were wrong to raise her under the belief that it’s a sin, and that we now openly embrace it in our marriage. She’s also told them that we’ve raised our kids with the instructions that we understand it will happen, and we don’t care if they do it alone, so long as it doesn't become a problem or an addiction. They disagree, of course! But she doesn’t care.
To any LDS husbands out there whose wifes are opposed to masturbation… I can only share what worked for me. All I can suggest is lots of love, lots of patience, lots of open communication, and don’t do anything that will compromise her trust in you. Thanks for reading!